Black Esteem

I like this term. I see Black Esteem along the same lines as Black Pride and Black Love. I previously mentioned how important it was for couples to have "Couples Esteem." But, I also believe that having high regard, respect, and admiration for the African American culture is vital to the Black couple's success. Pride is the number one combatant to oppression. Remember that. When you study the history of any persecuted group, you see a campaign must begin to reclaim that group's rights, identity, language, and destiny. Black pride in America took its biggest jumps in the 1960's. I remember the enormous pride I felt when James Brown came out with the song, "Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud." But I also felt a streak of fear at the same time. Partly because I was light-skinned and felt guilt over the many years my family received American privilege for being closer in color to white America. But I also felt fear because of the sheer nature of something so strong and defiant being said out loud. Wow. It was a fascinating time. The colored and Negro movements were more concerned with proving "sameness" between White and Black Ameircans. And I realize that was a major part of the argument for equality. But, now the emphasis is on exploring the uniqueness of Black culture and being proud of those differences. But, Black love and Black beauty do not come accidently. They must be taught. Black families must be able to hand down positive and respectful examples of what it means to be a Black father and a Black mother. Black men must be the first to defend Black women and Black women must be first to protect the name of Black men. They must have pride in each other to claim pride for themselves. Now, I want to be clear that Black pride is not intended to inflict superiority or oppression over another group. Like self esteem and self-love, it is designed to strengthen the person's psychological and emotional health. Even couples where one partner is Black and the other is not, Black love and respect should still be embraced. The same goes for those individuals who consider themselves of "Bi-racial" or "mixed." Pride is pride. And since very few people can totally claim ethnic purity in Amercia, we should just get use to celebrating all parts of our past, no matter how small the part is. (Side note: I remember being asked if I thought Barrack Obama was a Black man or a White man. My answer was "Yes." When the person thought I hadn't heard the question correctly, I repeated "Yes. HE IS A BLACK MAN OR A WHITE MAN. It is OK for his identity to be fluid. Obama is allowed to draw upon the histories and cultures from both sides. And his definiton need only to come from him and not an outside source." ) I also believe it is OK for Black couples to talk about racism, discrimination, bias, and white privilege. This does not make a person anti-American. As a professor who taught Critical Race Theory in university graduate programs, I clearly pointed out that this was about presenting history in an accurate way. "Sleepy people" (that's the term I use for the "anti-woke people") insist I was teaching that African Americans were superior. THIS WAS AND IS A LIE. Critical Race Theory is simply the acceptance of simple historical realities, like "Jews were executed during WWII." Anyway, Black pride makes the Black individual and Black couple more confident, collaborative, and goal-oriented. In my long work on myself to be a proud Black man, I found no one more encouraging than my mentor Dr. Joseph White, considered by many to be the father of Black Psychology. He was a pioneer in Black Studies. He was one of the founders of the Association of Black Psychologists. He trained hundreds of thousands in cross-cultural psychology. He supported me and met with members of my Black Men's Support Group. He was a father figure to me when my father died. He was also my friend. Whenever he learned things I accomplished in my roles as a psychologist, professor, supervisor and director he made special efforts to let me know how proud he was of me. Wow, again. And even though he passed away in 2017, I am continually reminded of his support. Another, "Wow." That pride thing is something else! It's amazing because it is designed to make people strong in both the present day and the future.