Couples Therapy and Fighting the War Against "Pop Psychology"

"Pop psychology" (or popular psychology) is the term used to describe much of what is marketed to the general public about psychology, but in a simpler and more popular way . Even before social media on phones and desktops, "self-help" books competed for the attention of people curious about relationships. I remember in the 1990's arguing against the work of John Gray (Men Are from Mars and Women are From Venus) which was very popular at the time and begging people (mostly my students) to instead cite John and Julie Gottman (The Marriage Clinic) and Deborah Tannen (You Just Don't Understand). The Gottmans and Tannen were supported by research and scientific inquiry. Gray was supported by Oprah. I guess it's hard to expect people to bother with all the technical and academic theories about relationships and instead just go for "bite-size" pieces of advice. Besides, who has the time to read a whole book anymore? We are Americans. If it's not "short and sweet" and quick enough to scroll through on your phone, it really couldn't be worth learning. Right? (So, you can tell I have a prejudice here.) In fact, when I started preparing for this website I was actually afraid that, as a professor, I'd be coming across too academic and therefore unrelateable to most people. I feared I needed to "dummy-down" lectures that I used for my college students and I worried that the American public did not have an attention span that went beyond memes and hashtags. Anyway, I'm also trying now to learn that I'm not talking to you now as part of an undergraduate or graduate course. And I do realize that couples therapy needs to be accesible to everyone in this country, not just the academics. But, I do think we should use the legitimate research on couples counseling and translate those principles to more couples. Now, "advice givers" or "social influencers" don't have to worry about malpractice suits or ethics boards. But I do. The confidence I have in my work has come from my extensive education and training and not just from the number of "likes" I get. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against something just because it is popular. Whitney Houston was very popular. But, I give her props for being enormously talented too. I just want to find new ways in this medium to translate some of the great work in couples research to a greater audience. Tannen's work on the importance of language when understanding women and relationships must be made available to more people. The Gottman's findings on the negative behaviors that have contributed to divorce (contempt, superiority, defensiveness, and stonewalling) need to be shared with more people too. (By the way, I've met them and taken their workshops and I really connected with them and their work.) So, where should I start? Hmmm. Well, maybe I should start with people looking at themselves. By starting with one's own weaknesses and responsibilities before complaining about their partner. In terms of my faults, I must admit that I am scared of ever-changing technology and the power social media has on the minds of Americans. And I've realized that when I'm afraid, like many, it's hard to empathize with the person from "the other side." So, now that I've left the classroom and my high administrative position in education, I think I need to do more research on and with younger and more social media-related experts. Maybe I can turn my lectures into building bridges with those with different perspectives than me? Another Hmmm. I think I need to go further to challenge myself to interview more people in social media and create a safe place to talk with them (not just about them) regarding their affect on couples. Maybe I can do a podcast donated specifically to couples and social media? I could even ask for people to respond with suggestions or ideas for speakers to come on the show? Third Hmmmm. Well, it looks like social media is not going away. And while I can still put up a good fight as an old professor/curmudgeon when it comes to things I find interesting, I can say that I'm still open to learn more from others who have different opinions and different ideas than mine. That recipe can be applied to couples as well.