Hearts and Flowers

I want to apologize to the romantics out there who are upset that I started my blogging without talking about hearts and flowers. I honestly do consider myself to be a hopeless (or rather hopeful) romantic . Even though I also believe that safety and truth are needed. I guess I worry that when people get swept up in Eros (Romantic) Love they forget the importance in falling in trust before they fall in love. (Think about it.) Anyway, I agree that the chemical surge of epinephrine that's produced when you meet someone who touches you is very powerful! But people are wrong. Love doesn't come from your heart. It comes from your brain. Humans are hard-wired in the brain for attraction to another and hormones help a person feel great attraction and euphoria when they connect with a special person. As a result, your excitement should not just be sexual. It should not just make you want to give presents like money or expensive things, but rather gifts like affection, understanding, attention and respect. The intent behind romance is to try to make the other person happy. Sometimes people describe it as silly, impulsive, and impractical. But it is a vital part to making us human. Kindness and tenderness can be seen in all animals. But why do humans, always need a good reason to show it? Are couples counting how many things each has given in comparison to the other? Doesn't the fact that you are keeping score tell you that you are not understanding the true meaning of a gift (which is not to be confused with a loan)? Does it have to be a holiday to show your partner you love her or him? Also, have you noticed that touching, hugging, and holding may be easy to do with our children, but not our partners? Hmmm... I remember as a child feeling so glad when I caught my parents being affectionate with each other. Nothing raunchy or anything like that. But when my Dad showed my mom affection it somehow made me feel like things were going to be allright. Did that ever happen to you? Romantic love should always involve our imagination. Be creative. If you don't know the perfect words to say, send that partner a "love song" on their phone /voicemail. Leave sexy notes for that person around the house. Silly dates, cuddling in front of the TV, walks together, massage, reading together, cooking together, anything together needs to be planned if the couple begins to realize they have been too busy to include romantic time for just the two of them. A true lover doesn't stop showing their love. And remember to stop counting! It's a clear sign of insecurity. Also, if you wish your partner to be more affectionate to you, then SAY SOMETHING. Don't forget my therapy quote: "It's unfair to expect things that you can not ask for." Now, don't tell this to your partner in an argument or tense moment. Try saying the following at a time when you're not fighting , "Hey, I really need your love and reassurrance this week. Tomorrow, I'm going to let you show me what you can do!" Yes, a relationship takes work. But it should also be fun. And an intimate partner relationship needs to include love. Those silly love songs were right. You must begin an inventory on how much love and affection you have in your life... AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I've studied relationships for the majority of my life and I consider myself to be both a student and therapist of love. Let me tell you when I got my great awakening. It was in the late 1970's at the University of Southern California. My favorite professor and idol was Dr. Leo Buscaglia (please check out his videos and books). He was internationally famous and known as the "Love Doctor." Every book he wrote had the word love in the title. At every speech or talk show he would passionately plead for people to just love each other a little more. When I was in his "Love Class" at USC I knew it would be my mission to continue his work in helping people, especially couples, find that happiness that can only come when being in a relationship. He convinced me of the notion that a minute without love is a minute without life. He also said, "Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself." We better get to work!